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Posts Tagged ‘time to yourself’

Your kids are grown and the last one is about to leave the nest and you suddenly start to  find yourself with so much time on your hands and you start to think about all the things you want to accomplish and have never done…. but…. if you have kids, chances are, you are still gonna have to balance your life like you did when they were still in the house. This is especially true if you are a grandparent .  Unless you are just not involved with your kids, and most of us are,  or you are far away from them geographicly , you are still going to be challanged to find  yourself amongst the clutter, clamor,  and chaos that you had when you were raising the kids, and you know what, you would not have it any other way !!!

I have come to the conclusion, even before we had our nest filled again, that once you have some kids, you will probably with only a few breaks , always have small children around you. If you think one day you can have a house that you do not have to worry about, that you can leave the most delicate thing out and not have to worry about it breaking, you are most likely wrong.   I am 49 with grown kids, youngest just turned 20 and I still have to baby proof my house, and since the fourth one is not yet dating, let alone married or starting a family yet, and at least one , if not both our daughters are not sure if they will have more kids, but it is likely, then by the time they are done, the youngest wil probably start and then by the time he is done, our oldest grandkids are going to be getting to that point of marriage and famly themselves, so other than maybe a few little breaks, kids are in our future to stay and that is wonderful. Exhausting, overwelming sometimes, busy , crazy and messy, but wonderful.  That is why we had kids, to have family and we have it !!

The challenge then, is the same one I had when I was raising our kids , other then the fact they are not mine and I do get real breaks even from the ones that live with us, to figure out what I want to do and be and have and figure out how to make that happen once I figure it all out.       

The reason I started this blog was to help myself  figure it all out. I hope to meet others in the same situation and learn how they do it, balance grandkids, housework, husband and finding a career when raising kids was my career. That is what I did, stay at home mom.                       

I was a Leave it to Beaver kind of mom, except the pearls and dresses, lol. I was home with the kids all the time, made sure they got fed, bathed, home work done , to and from school . with the help of a supportive and hands on hubby. Due to my not working, money was tight and I made everything from scratch. Cookies, cakes, pies , and dinners. Very little box stuff and had to watch every penny.

I did not have much time to devote to myself and I am afraid I lost a sense  of who I was over those years. My husband worked swing shift so five days a week it was like being a single mom, I had to do it all myself because he left before they got home from school and got home long after they were in bed. He was able to help in the morning and that was great, but for most of those years we had one at  home all day and over the years, I kind of got lost in the mommy, mom, mother , wife , housewife, cook, cleaning lady and all the other stuff we housewives/ moms  do . Add to that no money to spend on fun stuff , and I read a lot and crocheted a lot and talked on the phone with friends, but I did not do much creative stuff and my art and my writing, both of which I had loved as a kid and teen and young adult, just disapeared. 

I did write a lot of poetry during that time , and I still have it. But I have little thought to who I was and what I needed. It was on the backburner when the kids needed all that they needed.

I do not want to  continue like that. I want to take the time I do have to myself and figure out who I am. Not a wife or mom or grandma or whatever I am to others, but who I am inside, what am I passionate about, other than my family which is always going to be nmber one, and I want to f igure out what am I good at.

I once heard  that you should figure out what it is that you could do that would be so interesting and enjoyable to you that you would stay up late and get up early to be able to do that. Like many artists who get consumed by thier art, I need to find that passion within and find something for me to enjoy and love and look forward to and feel successful at.   Something that will consume me and allow me to lose myself in it .     

So, that is the j0urney I am setting out on. I hope to find what it is inside that I want to do and be that is just for me.    I think in finding that, I will be more to my husband and kids because when you have a great passion in your life for something,  you bring that passion into the other aspects of your life. You are more fun and interesting to be around and you are happier.

I am not unhappy but I need something that I can not put my finger on. I will find it though.  One day at a time like the saying goes, I will take it one day at a time.

Thanks for stopping in and please let me know your thoughts !!

Stephanie

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