Merging two families into one house is easy physically. You move them in and there are there. Not a problem. At first, especially when it is exciting to have kids that might have lived far away, it is very easy, but then eventually you get to day to day living.
Let me stress this. It is hard for everyone. Not just the renesters. Being a family that is used to your own home, own kitchen and routines, having to move into your parents/ in laws home is not easy. Both sides have to give and take and it takes adjustments for everyone.
We are lucky to have a house that makes it extremely easy. They have the front three bedrooms, living room and bath and we have the master suite and family room in the back. We are very lucky. I has to be harder on familys when there is not that much room and kids have to share and families have to share the tv, we do not have to do that.
So, there are hard days for all of us, but it is okay to acknowledge it can be hard and just be okay with that fact. Anything worth having or doing takes work and that is true of merging two familes into one.
My son in law wisely pointed out that we cannot live like two families in one house, we have to be one family. Very smart observation and something that is very important.
The things hardest for me is changing a lifetime of habits.
I may not want to do the dishes right after I eat, but rinse them and put them in the sink and do them later, but I can’t. I have to keep them up so we all have the space we need to work. A 1924 kicthen is not set up for a modern family of six. I have to stay on top of it, and as an adult ADD er that can be hard sometimes. Sometimes having to wait for the washer and dryer is hard, I am used to doing my laundry when ever I want, we have to schedule around each other now. It is not a bad thing, just an adjustment for us all. It is worth the work however.
My best friend pointed out that when things are hard once in a while she thinks I feel guilty to complain because I am so happy they are here and she is probably right. For the first eight years we lived in Texas our daughter and her family were 1400 miles away in Calif. Having them here is a dream come true and my husband and I have no regrets. We would do the same thing over if givin the chance to change our minds. We are thrilled they are here. even when it is hectic and crazy around here.
However, I do tend to hold things in sometimes, probably out of guilt and not wanting to make them feel bad. I am trying to do better at that. They are very open to discussing anything that bothers me and I hope I am always as willing to talk with them. It does go both ways.
If you have a “this my house and you do it my way “, attitude, it will not work. I can tell you that right now. Kids that have been married years and have kids will not respond well to that attitude.
You should not take on the challenge of merging two families unless you are willing to be unselifish and be willing sometimes to keep your mouth shut when thier way of doing something is not your way. It is not worth it to nit pick and you can go back to your way when they move. You can also learn from them too, as who says your own way is the best way. I try to stay open to that as well.
So, it can be a wonderful adventure and time with your kids , or a horrible experiance, all depending on your attitude. It is okay to admit once in a while that it is hard, but see the gifts that come with it and concentrate on those. Like the title says, it is okay to admit it can be hard, but just learn to be okay with it and you will do fine !!
